na foine ting
Monday, March 29, 2004
People read my blog.
People read my blog I don't know are reading my blog.
People are reading my blog and drawing conclusions about me without talking to me directly.
No news there: welcome to free public press.
Let's see, where were we?
Today I showed up and comandeered rink time that belonged to someone else that didn't show up. An hour and a half of silence, a full sheet of ice, no one breathing down my neck or watching or making helpful comments about my shitty wrist shot.
I have reservations about both teams I'm on.
I'm fairly certain they both have reservations about me too.
Suit up, play, win or lose. Life goes on, ultimately, and I can play hockey or stand around yapping. I'm happy to yap.
I'm happier playing, when it comes right down to it.
Gavin got his first breakaway on Saturday morning. His first breakaway, which involved him going so hard so fast so balls out that he went ass over teakettle but managed to keep the puck in front of him. His little buddy picked it up and scored, which I believes makes it also Gavin's first assist.
He also got a goal.
Only a month or so ago, his coaches were questioning if we were forcing him to be there.
"He seems like he's somewhere else," they'd say. Intimating he wasn't really present, wasn't really tuned in, was kind of fey.
They should try getting him into his sandals sometime. Now that's fey.
Bec and I both knew eventually he'd just click. Meanwhile he wanted to show up, got up of his own volition at oh dark thirty every Saturday, and sleepily nodded when we asked "are you sure you want to go?"
We knew him well enough to know he'd get there eventually.
Now he has the bug.
Wants the puck, wants the goal, wants the win.
You can tell.
Yeah, I quit subbing for Pirates because I didn't like putting in the hours, making a strong effort, going all out, being on time and there for practices and holding my weekend clear for the game and then not hearing either way if I was needed.
I've said without much secrecy that I want to be appreciated. You can call that "throwing a fit" if you like, although all I did was ask to be removed from the sub list. I didn't "walk off," nor did I send the angry emails I considered sending.
It would have taken one person saying "you're busting your chops and we all know it and appreciate it."
No one did.
In the end, it's the discourtesy and being taken for granted that I don't tolerate.
I don't apologize for that.
Not in public or in private.
So there you go.
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