Today Gavin had his sixth birthday party at the park, a very low key affair with just a couple of his buddies from school, one or two parents, and dumb games I made up that the kids tolerated mostly because if they got through them then they could smash up the pinata.


*


I had this moment recently where I had a pang of guilt about how I represented my mom in the book. As a slice of who she is, representative but highly damning.

I talked to her the other night and all the guilt went away.

My shrink explained to me, and I keep forgetting: my job is to be the shitty daughter. I do it without trying, and I do it well. It's what's expected, and any change on my part will only rock the boat. I need to accept my role, embrace it, and understand no one does it better than I do, and it's precisely what my mom wants of me.

My filling that role for my mom has little bearing on how I relate to the rest of the (relatively sane) world.

So there's some real freedom in that, once I give in to it.

You know?


*

My friend Chris is blogging, or if you will, Journaling.

Chris is wonderful, and his writing thrills me and getting the link to his blog was like a birthday present I wasn't expecting (particularly since it isn't my birthday).

Adore him, adore his writing.

Yay.


*
- posted by Kate @ 8:12 PM