na foine ting


Saturday, September 10, 2005
 
Today Gavin had his sixth birthday party at the park, a very low key affair with just a couple of his buddies from school, one or two parents, and dumb games I made up that the kids tolerated mostly because if they got through them then they could smash up the pinata.


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I had this moment recently where I had a pang of guilt about how I represented my mom in the book. As a slice of who she is, representative but highly damning.

I talked to her the other night and all the guilt went away.

My shrink explained to me, and I keep forgetting: my job is to be the shitty daughter. I do it without trying, and I do it well. It's what's expected, and any change on my part will only rock the boat. I need to accept my role, embrace it, and understand no one does it better than I do, and it's precisely what my mom wants of me.

My filling that role for my mom has little bearing on how I relate to the rest of the (relatively sane) world.

So there's some real freedom in that, once I give in to it.

You know?


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My friend Chris is blogging, or if you will, Journaling.

Chris is wonderful, and his writing thrills me and getting the link to his blog was like a birthday present I wasn't expecting (particularly since it isn't my birthday).

Adore him, adore his writing.

Yay.


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Comments:
Smashing up a pinata sounds fun. I have a song called Pinata. It involves kazoos. ;)

You're so nice to me. ~l~ I'll have to try and write things that won't bore anybody who reads it to tears, eh?
 
My shrink explained to me, and I keep forgetting: my job is to be the shitty daughter. I do it without trying, and I do it well. It's what's expected, and any change on my part will only rock the boat. I need to accept my role, embrace it, and understand no one does it better than I do, and it's precisely what my mom wants of me.

My filling that role for my mom has little bearing on how I relate to the rest of the (relatively sane) world.

So there's some real freedom in that, once I give in to it.


oh MY. Now that's something I need to print out and keep in my back pocket at ALL times.
Happy Birthday Gavin! Smooches to Lili and a big hug to you!
xo Nico (shylagh)
 
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